The Kunming Zoo was a blast.
That is of course if you like laughing at animals being kicked over and over.
Or seeing me throw up.
Sorry to say friends, but the Chinese do. Well the ones at the Zoo anyway.
I don't know about you but personally I don't find any of these kind of shenanigans too funny.
And when they chained the monkeys and the bears onto bicycles with no seats, the crowd only roared for more.
They needn't have worried, a whole lot more 'party tricks' were in store.
WIth a shove and a push, their speeds increased.
And just when we thought it couldn't get any better (or any stupider) the boys in pink gave the desperate bear a leg shattering kick sending the bear, and the bike he was chained to, sprawling across the concrete pavement.
Another swift kick in the pants and punch in the gut (literal) and our friend the bear was back on his bike, that was of course until, for fits and giggles, he was belted off again.
Next came the monkeys.
These little guys were jittery, so jittery in fact they looked as though they'd been sniffing the white stuff in the back office.
By the time the show was over anyone with half a brain could have seen why those amazing iittle guys looked a little on edge... they were scared shitless, and that's understating it.
Imagine for a moment a monkey chained to a bicycle, flying like a rocket around and round a cage, no brakes, pedals to far to reach, then imagine that monkey being randomly belted off the bike.
It wasn't pretty.
But the people screamed for more. And so more they'd get.
Without a moments notice the master of disaster reappeared.
Sadly, the desperate pant-less monkeys, and the monkeys in the cage with pants on (pretending to be people), passionately yearned to please the stirring crowd.
Well, despite the masses screaming for more I'd seen enough.
After the performance was over and the animal freak show had been returned to their separate cages, unable to find any solace in each others company, a switch went off in my head.
The animal kickers, heroes one minute, soaking up the applause, didn't see me coming...
A bear is an animal, so is a bird, so is a monkey.
What are clothes for?
I figured a swap was in order, monkey for man, freedom for a cage.
Give the animals a turn to run the show.
Now that'd be fun.
I went on a show ride, Shanna wouldn't go alone.
And what was one little ride going to do to me anyway....
It'd be fun, everyone loved it.
All I can say, watch where you walk.
Especially if you see a funny looking white haired foreigner flying through the air...
You could get sprayed.
PS- Happy birthday bro.
Sam and Shanna Evans are from Melbourne, Australia